They Have Kids – by: Kelly Wolf

You’ve met someone who stirs you in ways you’ve only imagined. E-mail from them arrives in your mailbox and you smile. Their voice on the other end of the line makes your stomach flutter. The sight of them makes all your worries seem unimportant and their happiness all that matters- until you hear a child scream for them and they have to deal with the situation in another part of the house. You snap out of your amorous state of mind and anxiously wonder if you are ready to deal with the other part of their life- the kids.

I’m sure you knew going into the relationship that they had kids. It wasn’t a real issue until you met them. All kinds of feelings are associated with this kind of situation. Anxiety, unease and feeling uncertain about the kind of roll you might play in the lives of this family. It can feel like an overwhelming position but one that you are considering if you have begun to contemplate your readiness.

You are with this person because there is chemistry. A relationship with the kind of chemistry you feel with this person is hard to find. It was easy to put off dealing with the fact that children were involved at first. When your new partner was ready, you were invited to meet the kids and that’s where the reality set in.

First and foremost, you must like children! If you generally find that you don’t enjoy children, there isn’t a very good chance you might miraculously fall in love with his or her kids. You need to see how well you get along with the children. A day at the park or an outing for ice cream is a great way for everyone to interact and feel each other out.

You will need to see how well you get along with the ‘ex’ if he or she is involved. In any kind of situation, the better the adults get along, the better it is for the children. You don’t have to be best friends, but to be able to acknowledge each other in greetings and exchange a few words let the kids know that you aren’t any threat to the existing structure of the family.

Finally, you need to define your role in this family. A detailed discussion with your partner about this should clearly define any kind of expectations and limitations on your part. You should also use this opportunity to express your concerns and address them. Above all, the fact that you have reached the point of asking yourself if you can handle being with someone who has children is healthy and normal. It is a realization many people have to deal with these days. The maturity it takes to recognize and deal with the potential issues has you already taking a very positive step forward, whatever your decision might be.

About The Author Kelly Wolf writes for Singles Dating 247 . com – If you are single and looking for love then this is the site for you. Articles, Reviews and Links to the best sites on the Internet and the DrDating Forum – a forum for people looking for help in love, relationships and dating. http://forum.drdating.com/ admin@internetdating247.com

Online Dating – by: Kelly Wolf

A common question among friends these days is whether or not singles should try to meet their ideal partner through online dating. The first answer usually comes from the cautious individuals who warn against predators and seemingly demented individuals. Next you have the handful of people who know ‘so and so’ who just got married to the person that they met online. When it is my turn, I always point out that there is no commitment by simply looking and discovering how it all works. What has someone got to lose by setting up a simple profile and seeing what happens?

By definition, online dating is the association of two individuals through the Internet. The idea doesn’t seem all that different from meeting a stranger in a bar or nightclub. Instead of getting dressed up, going out and using your discerning eye to select potential candidates from a crowd of singles gathered for various reasons, you can sit at your computer and put in a basic order for the ideal person. The initial ‘weeding’ is done for you.

First you need to choose from the numerous sites that offer this type of service. Make sure to visit several sites, browse as much as you can without signing up and make an educated decision about which one(s) might suit what you are looking for. Several sites offer many different options as far as what you can advertise you are looking for in a relationship from friendships to something very serious. For some, this range offers a great deal of prospects to choose from. Others would prefer a site that is much more focused on exactly the type of relationship they are looking for.

It’s the next step that is probably going to be the most difficult one. Actually communicating with someone who interests you or who has already let you know that what you have put in your profile interests them. Most sites have a ‘hint’ you can send to let a subscriber know that they have your interest, whether it be a smile, wink or some other cute flirting device. You will probably receive the same back or even a personal message. That’s where you make the decision about whether or not someone interests you enough to proceed. If no one interests you, don’t despair. People create profiles every day and some sites even offer suggestions based on questions asked when you set up your account.

If someone interests you immediately, you will have to make initial contact or respond to his or her inquiry to you. It’s even possible to feel the excitement and flutter in your stomach when you begin contact that you feel when meeting a potential date for the first time!

It’s important to remember to be cautious at first, be yourself, and be aware of potential problems with any person that might contact you and follow your own instincts. But most importantly, be yourself and have fun! It might be different for you, but you are now in charge of your dating life through your computer!

About The Author Kelly Wolf writes for Singles Dating 247 . com – If you are single and looking for love then this is the site for you. Articles, Reviews and Links to the best sites on the Internet and the DrDating Forum – a forum for people looking for help in love, relationships and dating. http://forum.drdating.com/ admin@internetdating247.com

7 Proven Ways You Can Catch a Cheating Lover – by: W. Aris

If an outsider attacked your lover, would you stop him? Would you defend yourself and your spouse against an attack?

A cheating lover who breaks a promise to be faithful is literally attacking your relationship. If you suspect this is happening, you owe it to your love to defend it. Otherwise you will either never really be able to trust your mate, or you won’t even realize that you’ve been a sap until your partner walks out the door…forever.

If you’re worried that your mate is cheating, keep your head together and start collecting evidence. Whatever you do, don’t let your partner know you suspect until you have some good, solid facts to back up your suspicions. A cheating lover, backed into a corner, usually finds an excuse to leave the relationship precipitously. And a faithful lover does not need to ever know there was suspicion.

Here are seven proven, tried-and-true ways you can catch a cheating lover:

1) The single biggest tip-off is in sudden behavior changes that continue sporadically. A work routine that has changed, such as staying late at the office or long lunches could be a tell-tale clue. Call him, just to see if he’s there. Even drop in on him, once you suspect him, at the office, bringing some cookies or a present for an excuse.

2) Does she pick on you, looking for things to criticize? This may mean she’s building a case to justify leaving the relationship for good. Does she create a fight then leave the house in a huff and stay away for hours? Warning!

3) Are there changes in his appearance? Does he take more interest in it, dressing better and being more careful with grooming in general? Has his style of dress gone from conservative to, say, Mobster Mannequin or Lounge Lizard? Time to open your eyes… and keep them open.

4) Does she seem to suddenly get a lot of cell phone calls she avoids taking in your presence? It’s probably the other man.

5) Is he suddenly going out with his male friends, supposedly? Ask him where he’s going, and go there to check. But be surreptitious; stay in the shadows!

6) These days, there are lots of high-tech gadgets and methods for capturing an adulterer. You can actually track every keystroke in a computer, for example, every call on a cell phone… and you can do these things without a trace. Installing spy-cams is an option, or hiring a private detective.

7) Have you noticed an abrupt and lasting change in your sex life? Is he holding out on you physically? Do you find his excuses downright lame? This is red-flag time.

A monogamous relationship is a serious commitment and accusing a partner of adultery is a serious charge. An open mind, balance and neutrality are the watchwords.

Now. Memorize this article and fight back for your relationship… the smart way.

About The Author W. Aris Learn the fool-proof technique to catch a cheating spouse at http://www.cheating-lovers.com.

Power Struggles – Being Right or Being Loving – by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Mandy and Evan consulted with me for couple’s counseling because they were always bickering. Every little thing seemed to become an issue between them. They loved each other very much, but the bickering was certainly getting in the way of enjoying each other.

I ask Mandy and Evan to come up with some recent conflicts so I could experience what was happening between them. They had conflicts over time, money, child rearing, family, and chores. The dynamic between them was the same no matter what the issue: One of them would complain about something – like the house being messy or the other person not being on time, and the other would argue, explain and defend. Then they would go back and forth, each one defending and explaining their position. Neither one listened to the other or even seemed to care about the other’s feelings or position. They would each get locked into their positions, seeing themselves as right and trying to convince the other person to see it their way. They had what I call a “control-resist system.”

In this system, one person approaches the other with an intention to win, to be right – to control. The other person, not wanting to be controlled, goes into resistance. One is trying to win and the other is trying not to lose. One is trying to be right and the other is trying not to be wrong. As long as their intentions were to control and not be controlled, they were stuck. They had no way of reaching resolution on any of their issues.

While Mandy and Evan loved each other, caring was not a part of this system. As soon as an issue came up, they stopped caring about themselves and each other. They were so intent on winning or not losing that caring went out the window.

“At any given moment,” I said to them, “you are either in the intent to control or the intent to learn. The problem is that both of you immediately choose the intent to control, which will always result in bickering. Mandy, I’d like you to try right now to listen to Evan’s concerns about the messiness of the house. See if you can find a place of caring about his feelings. See if you can really listen and see it through his eyes. Then I will have him do the same for you.”

As Mandy really listened to Evan with caring and a desire to learn, she began to understand his frustration. For the first time, Evan felt really heard regarding this issue. Then Evan really listened to Mandy, trying to see things through her experience. They found that as they each began to understand the other’s feelings and experience, new ideas came up to resolve the problem.

Being in the intent to learn is about learning rather than about solving problems. Resolution may be the outcome or it may not, but the new learning will inevitably lead to positive change.

Often, people are reluctant to listen to each other for fear of losing themselves. They fear that if they listen to the other person, they will appear to be weak and will get taken advantage of. But the intent to learn is not just about listening to the other – it is also about listening to yourself and learning to stand in your own truth without having to impose it on another. If you are caring about both yourself and the other person, then you will not end up losing yourself in the conflict.

The intent to learn is about being in compassion for both yourself and your partner. When caring and compassion are more important than winning and being right, you will find a way for both of you to win.

Next time you are having a conflict, ask yourself, “Am I trying to control or am I willing to learn?” Even if your partner continues to try to control when you move into compassionate learning, you will discover new inner power, strength and wisdom that is far more satisfying than winning or losing. You will be able to move beyond the bickering as you learn to listen while standing solidly in your truth.

About The Author Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions Available. margaret@innerbonding.com