The Revenge Affair: Characteristics of the Adulterer – by: Dr. Robert Huizenga

“I Want to Get Back at Him/Her” is one of 6 kinds of affairs I outline in my E-book.

This is the “revenge affair.” It occurs in a marriage in which one feels slighted in some manner and seeks revenge by engaging in an affair.

It is less a movement toward the other person and more a movement away from one’s spouse. The offending spouse usually lacks the skills of personal confrontation or is frightened by the prospect of someone “getting upset.”

When evaluating this kind of affair, make a distinction between revenge and rage. Revenge is not rage. Rage comes from a different source, as outlined in one of the other kinds of affairs.

Here are some characteristics of the person who uses infidelity as revenge:

1. Usually is rather unpredictable and erratic in his behavior.

2. Has a hard time making decisions.

3. Is often impatient and irritable when things don’t go her way.

4. Some of the resentment seems to “seep out” along the edges, maybe when you least expect it.

5. Engages in teasing.

6. Can be stubborn and unyielding.

7. May often take oppositional view and pride himself on being contrary or taking an unpopular stance.

8. Can have moments of impulsive behavior and be labeled high-strung or tightly wired.

9. Has an underlying worldview that is pessimistic. Glass is half empty.

10. Has a tendency to wine or complain.

11. May have moments of sullenness and dejection.

12. Women may respond very intensely during their menstrual cycle. Men may appear very moody at certain times of the month.

13. Manipulates others with unpredictability and demandingness.

14. Family of origin often marked by factions and sibling rivalry.

15. Has difficulty with intimacy since her behavior patterns push people away.

If you are interested in learning about the 6 other forms of infidelity I outline in my book, “Break Free From the Affair,” visit my website.

About The Author Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com.

Finding Your Ideal Partner? – by: Rick Valens

How would you describe the ideal girl of your dream?

“Oh, she has got to be beautiful with a nice figure, having a sweet and sexy voice, cheerful, gentle, considerate, kind-hearted, understanding, independent, musically inclined, share a common interest of mine, hmm… knows how to prepare nice food and… ”

Ok, that is enough. Now, do you think such a perfect person actually exists? Well maybe yes maybe not. But if everyone were to nevertheless, really have such a high expectations, love is certainly going to be hardly visible in the air. Don’t you think so too?

So, what makes an ideal partner then? Well before we go on, perhaps it might be good to know what an exact ideal partner are we discussing here? A dating partner or a marriage partner? Or has this question never even occurred to you before?

Ok, let us answer the question again separately. Hmm… maybe we shall get the girls to answer this time.

First question: How would you describe an ideal dating partner?

Common answers would include, “Dashing with a nice body, full of gentlemanliness, caring and considerate, having a good sense of humor, cheerful, fun loving, adventurous, full of fun and excitement, loves me dearly and etc”

Ok now the second question: How would you describe an ideal marriage partner?

Common answers would include, “Mature, got a sense of responsibility, cheerful, caring, understanding, honest, kind-hearted, having a financially stable income, knowledgeable, able to take good care of the family, loves me dearly and etc”

Notice the difference? An ideal dating partner and an ideal marriage partner is usually a very different person, perhaps just very a little in common I would say.

Well in a perfect case, an ideal partner should of course be best, both a dating and a marriage partner. Someone whom you enjoy dating, bringing you lots of fun, joy and excitements; at the same time someone whom is willing to share your problems and unhappiness, accepting all your negative habits and faults; committed to bringing you happiness.

But again, does such an ideal person exist? Can we really have both the pie and the cake? Think about it. Are we somehow setting too high an expectation? Unknowingly rejecting our chances? Losing the opportunity to be in love? Unknowingly bringing unhappiness to your relationship, yourself and your love? Hmm… well, do remember that we are afterall just talking about ideal here. Something, which is good to have, but not a must to have?

So before you are going to start complaining again that life is so unfair to you, ask yourself, “Have you really ever tried? Tried pursuing for happiness?”

Instead of always picking on your partner’s faults making life unhappy for both, have you tried looking at the other beautiful side of them, their beautiful qualities? Appreciating what you have already got? Tried improving on yourself instead, to becoming a better lover; a more ideal lover? Willing to open up yourself, giving both yourself and others a chance? Remember, what you expect of yours or your future partner is equally what he or she expects of you.

Going into a relationship is never a game. It is a long-term investment, an investment of love between the both of you. It is something which both have to genuinely think through and plan far. What would actually come after dating? Marriage is what I should suppose? Sharing the rest of your life, your future happiness with that special someone?

Well, if nothing were to go wrong in your relationship, your dating partner is eventually going to become your marriage partner, your life partner. Can I say so? Ok, to the girls, let me ask you a question. Would you share your happiness with someone that is full of fun and excitement to be with now, but deep down within yourself you know he is not going to be a good husband, someone who would not take good care of his family?

So again, what is your definition of an ideal partner? Someone whom truly love you, willing to share your problems and unhappiness or…? Well, the answer is within you. It has been with you all this while, only you can find the answer to this question. Your happiness belongs to you, nobody can decide for you. Be true to yourself, you should know what you really wants.

©2005 www.loveletterbox.com

About The Author Rick Valens Staff Writer for http://www.loveletterbox.com Love Relationship Discussion Forum Currently also freelance writer for http://www.ecemetery.org Monument of Eternal Memory NOTE: You’re free to republish this article on your website, in your newsletter, in your e-book or in other publications provided that the article is reproduced in its entirety, including the author information and all live website link as above.

To Love or Not to Love? – by: Rick Valens

Have you ever fallen in love with two different persons at the same time? Falling in love with two different persons whom both have the same feeling for you too? Well, there is actually nothing wrong with that. In fact I would say that it is something very normal, sometimes even falling for more than two persons for some.

We are afterall human beings, creatures of great emotions. It is just natural for one to develop a liking for the opposite sex, especially when the both are getting along very well. Sometimes, it is just so hard for us to control our feeling and nevertheless, it has always been human nature to be greedy. It is always good to be able to have the best of both worlds isn’t it? But well, things are usually just not possible. At the end of the day, you just have to make your choice, to decide for yourself, your one and only love whom that person to be.

To love or not to love, it is your choice. Think of it this way. In our path of life, we are always faced with choices. Choices that we have to make decisions over; decisions that will affect our life. At circumstances, even having to make immediate decision on the spot, decisions concerning of life and death. Sometimes we made the right decision and sometimes the wrong. But no matter what our decisions might have brought so far; we accepted them, didn’t we?

That is life. There is not way the world is going to stop moving just for you. To turn left or to turn right, to move forward or to turn back, you just have to make up your mind. I should believe that you will not choose to be stuck at the cross junction for your whole life?

Well, a game of chances and uncertainties life has nevertheless always been. If you never play you can never win. You have just got to make your choice, to decide where to place your bet. You can of course choose to give up, not to risk your bet. You always have your choice. Life is just so full of choices, remember? But well, will you later regret giving up that chance when you have it?

The same goes for love. Between the both, you just got to decide whom you really like more. Well, having choices is always better than not having any at all, right?

I should also believe that you are not going to give up that chance of even placing your bet? I know it is going to be hard but do just give yourself sometime. Follow where your heart goes. Between the both, there is definitely one whom you will actually like more.

Ok, just picture this scenario; there are this two musical concert, both a once in a lifetime concert. Missing it, you will never get the chance to see it again. You have been dying to catch the shows all these while. However for such a coincidence, they are been held at the same timing on the same day. Again, I suppose you will not just give up the chance of catching both shows altogether? Between the two, you will definitely choose one right?

Finally, to get to fully enjoy the show, which you had decided upon, you just got to forget about that disappointment from missing the other show. But well, more often than not, once you found yourself in the musical concert, chances are you will be totally captured by that spectacular ambience, enjoying yourself so much, totally forgotten about any disappointment that you earlier had.

Now where we are discussing about love, it is just the same. Many at times, we just can’t bear to give up on what we already have, struggling so hard within ourselves. In the end, we might jollywell end up with nothing at all. In life, we gain some we lose some. It’s no use holding on so hard to something, which you know will not come out with anything. When you have to give up, you have to. When you have to choose, you just have to.

Just like choosing between the two musical concerts, follow where your heart goes. Once you made up your mind, everything will just seem so much clearer. Slowly, your path of love will reveal its way for you. Will it lead to happiness for you? Well again, we wouldn’t know. But if we never try we will never know. At least, I should believe that you will be much happier than to be still stuck at the cross junction, lost for direction?

Remember, the world is not going to stop turning just for you. So is with love. The two persons will not just keep waiting for you. Wishy-washy? You might just end up with nothing at all.

Happiness won’t come passing by twice, cherish it when you have it.

©2005 www.loveletterbox.com

About The Author Rick Valens Staff Writer for http://www.loveletterbox.com Love Relationship Discussion Forum Currently also freelance writer for http://www.ecemetery.org Monument of Eternal Memory NOTE: You’re free to republish this article on your website, in your newsletter, in your e-book or in other publications provided that the article is reproduced in its entirety, including the author information and all live website link as above.